Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
