i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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