Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
