Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
