3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize