My nipple is on Facebook.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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