please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Terrible idea I love it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize