Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
