the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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