I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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