im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize