i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He kissed a someone with a penis
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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