Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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