don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
