I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
