You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found puke in my bra..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
