She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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