i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
