dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
