booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
