You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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