just survived the first fart of the relationship.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
