New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
