dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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