So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
