fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
