I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
