So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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