just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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