my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
