she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
