If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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