you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
