Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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