It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize