dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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