In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
