who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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