IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
