He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
