At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
