U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
