so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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