Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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