i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
