Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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