I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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