Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize