I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
