i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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