Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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