i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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