More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Two words: nipple clamps
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