maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
