Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
