Buhtt sex?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
