Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
