first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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