Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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