Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize