with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
