hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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