...so i touched it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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