K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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