We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
