laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
