im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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