I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
